I recently had a conversation with someone. They were accomplished, experienced, a leader, yet when faced with a decision, they came to me for answers. They were looking for me to tell them what to do, essentially searching for an "adultier adult" to make the decision for them.
A while ago, I came upon a meme I resonated strongly with, it read, "That horrifying moment when you're looking for an adult but you realize that YOU are an adult. So you look around for an older adult, an adultier adult, someone better at adulting than you." At the time, I was in a position where I could make a lot of decisions on my own, and many times found myself looking for that more adultier adult. Surely they hadn't left me in charge to make these decisions. But the thing is, they did!
Why do we go searching for this adultier adult?
Have you ever done this? Gone searching for the older, more experienced, more adultier adult? Been tasked with a decision you weren't quite sure you were "old" enough or "experienced" enough to make?
Maybe we are afraid to make the wrong decision?
Perhaps we don't fully trust our own judgement?
Or maybe we are worried we'll upset someone?
The thing is, we've been conditioned to to people-please, and to question ourselves. I'm guessing you've heard things like this too when you were growing up:
"Be a good girl"
"Don't make waves"
"Don't be bossy!"
"Say you're sorry"
"Keep the peace"
and my personal favorite (HUGE SARCASM INTENDED) "Be the bigger person."
(More on these statements later).
When we go in search of an adultier adult, we do more than aim to please others though,
We give away our power.
We stay small.
We reinforce our self-doubt.
The next time you are trying to make a decision and you go in search of that adultier adult, while you're saying to yourself "I just don't know" - pause, ask yourself:
What do I really think though?
What would I do if I really trusted myself and this could be MY DECISION?
I want to challenge you this week with 2 things:
Let me remind you - That adultier adult you're looking for - she is already inside you. Trust her!
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This is the work I do with women every day—helping them reconnect with their inner authority and lead with confidence and authenticity. If you want more of this, on a more personal one-on-one basis, Let's Chat